Since returning from Japan, I have seen wedding pictures on peoples Facebook profiles and friends of mine are either engaged or already married. On the Facebook News Feed, all I've been hearing about is the topic of marriage. Marriage is something hoped for; we all know that. It's not a bad thing; it's supposed to be a happy time and I'm all for it.
But I must speak my heart and mind here and this one is kinda aimed at my fellow LDS friends and acquaintances. But everyone is welcome to read this.
In my opinion, I think marriage is sometimes rushed among the LDS culture. I'm not saying it's a bad thing; that's not what this is all about at all! But especially for the R.M.s (short for 'Returned Missionary'), getting married is something that's expected out of them. Now having served a mission for the LDS church myself in Japan, I fall into this category. But this is how I feel right now after seeing what I mentioned above on Facebook the last couple days.
Here's my take on the topic of "expectation":
1.) The only expectations that matter, out of everyone one can know is oneself.
2.) Other peoples expectations (ie. family, friends, acquaintances, everyone else around you) shouldn't matter.
3.) We need to align our own expectations with Gods will for us; that's a hard one because it can take time (or even a lifetime) to really figure out what Gods will is...
So, as an R.M., I want to say this:
If you expect me to be the type of R.M. obsessed with dating and focusing towards marriage, you're sadly mistaken. I have no intention of rushing the process and quite frankly, I could care less about any expectations you might have of me considering the matter... Priorities come first. And the last thing I want is getting pressure from anyone about it nor hearing the stereotypical "LDS jokes/sayings" such as "If you're 25 years old and unmarried, you're a menace to society." Consequences of rushing the process in my opinion will probably result in higher probability to failed marriages. And let's be honest here and ask yourself this: If you're rushing to get married, are you really following your heart???
Now I'm just gonna say it straight say that I am NOT a menace to society and I am NOT gonna rush the process! I WILL however, follow my own heart!
2 comments:
It's SO TRUE! I must say when I was dating Dom I was kind of relieved that he was not LDS because that meant there wasn't this entire subconscious drive towards marriage, it was just fun. Of course it has ended up with us being engaged and we've been engaged two years so we are going about it quite slowly (admittedly not in LDS tradition, as we have moved in together already). But whilst I have a number of very mature friends who have made this commitment after much thought and a fairly long time of dating, I have others who literally I had no idea they were even dating someone when I find out they're engaged. This has happened to two people in particular I did not expect it to, once a few years ago who got engaged after about three months of dating (I'm sorry but that's not really enough time to get to know them as a person.... You're still in the infatuated stage) and married three months after that. Another person was married at 18 and had her first baby at 19, even leaving school to do so. I was surprised, because I would have thought that even if I had gone with the Mormon tradition and met a guy I liked at 18, I would have considered myself too young to responsibly make that level of commitment, no matter how mature I think I am. And I would have asked the guy to wait. I think there is a huge level of pressure on our youth to go into marriages that they may not be ready for, and while some end up perfectly happy, it is very noticeable when others appear to regret their decisions and begin to feel trapped. If marriage is such an important and valued institution then why is it not being taught in our youth classes to not only prepare for marriage but be serious about it! All our YW classes told us we were destined to be wives and mothers and that's fine but the focus is so heavily on marriage that it is not being taught to be taken with the appropriate level of seriousness and responsibility. We are taught to find a Mormon and as a result everything will work out great, but what happened to true love? How can you know if someone is your true love after a couple of months? And then if they turn out not to be and you're married in the temple to them you are going to feel very, very trapped. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate.... To the dark side! :P
Goal setting is important as well as establishing your own standards; that's all part of following your own heart which is the important thing. But I can't imagine myself getting married WHILE in school. To be honest, I have no idea how one would manage that! And when someone does, can you really believe it???
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